Magic and girlfriend?

CookieMonster · 01-25-2012, 05:29 AM

So i've been into the art of magic for about 6 months now (not a long time, i know). And my girlfriend DOES know that I'm really into magic. But she doesnt seem supportive about it. I'm pretty positive that i gave her a lot of my attention and time.
Last month, a group of her friends asked me to perform. I did the ambitious card trick and some color changes, and her friends seemed to enjoy it a lot. But my girlfriend didnt like it. She even said to her friends "He's crazy" (Negatively) when i did the ambitious popup card.
And last night, i was telling her how I managed to change the perspective of one of the people who made fun of me for doing street magic. And she just answered "....that's it?". I was pissed so i took off and went to sleep.
And of course there're more examples on how unsupportive she is when it comes to magic but i cant remember
Sorry, i just needed somewhere to express my feelings. But it'd be great if someone got a way to help

TheMisdirectingHand · 01-25-2012, 06:22 AM

Magic is your hobby, not your life. You enjoy her company, and she enjoys yours. That is what matters. You probably have more than just magic to be able sway a girl like her. Use your head. There are other personal traits about you that make you great. She is probably one of those girls who do not like magic. Just approach her without the cards. She seems very neglecting of them.

la0o9 · 01-25-2012, 06:34 AM

if that's it then simply don't talk about magic when you're with her, a modern person should have more than just magic to talk about( especially because you're her boyfriend, you guys should have more than one or two things in common to talk about).

If you're one of those couples who are dating to get to know each other, then it means you have one less thing in common, nothing to fret about.

absolute worst case scenario, talk to her about it, couples are bound to have fights, just need to know how to get back from them

CookieMonster · 01-25-2012, 06:44 AM

@la0o9: We do talk about other stuffs lol. I'm just kinda frustrated because my girlfriend doesnt support my hobby. And yes we did talk about it. I asked her what was the reason she doesnt like magic and she said its not that she doesnt like magic, she loves it but she just doesnt care about it. Lol. I didnt know what to say at that point

la0o9 · 01-25-2012, 07:53 AM

so simply don't talk about magic in front of her... well, i guess you DID say that you were just looking for a place to express your feelings so i guess i won't say anything more.

TommySteal · 01-25-2012, 05:58 PM

If it's any consolation, my girlfriend's the same. But it doesn't mean there has to be a problem.
If your girlfriend was jealous of the attention you got from your audience when performing magic, that would be a problem - her problem.

Kelan · 01-26-2012, 12:18 AM

Well put Tommy. =)

Fin · 01-26-2012, 01:51 AM

I can see this from a few perspectives. You should be careful not to overload your friends, family and girlfriends with your magic. They will become sick of it very quickly. However in this case it sounds like your girlfriend is being a little unfair. It sounds like when you performed for her friends she got embarrassed. This is something she must get over, as it is indeed HER problem, not yours. If I had the same problem I would possibly approach it like this:

I'd ask her what her problem is with supporting me in the thing I love doing. I would frame magic differently for her.. I would say "What if I was a famous artist, or musician, or comedian. Which would you prefer?". Then ask her what SHE thinks is so different between those "respected" arts, and MAGIC? For it is purely HER perspective which is at fault here. Magic is as worthy of your time as ANY OTHER ART. If she cannot see that and hence treats you like some sort of a loser with a crap hobby then she needs to get educated on what magic really is.

Some people are closed-minded; unfortunately this can also include the people we love. The best you can do for them is try to educate them and give them the tools to see things in the same light you do. Whether they choose to follow your lead or not is up to them.

Albert · 01-29-2012, 08:08 AM

Usually, girls really like it when their boyfriends have a deep passion for something (other than video games

), such as things that make a difference in people's lives, like magic.

As mentioned before, I would definitely ask her what's wrong with it in the first place and why she isn't supportive of it. She may be feeling that you are putting priority over magic and not her even if you don't think so. However, I really do think that's her problem, not yours if you are being considerate of her as well.

Not to be sexist or anything, historically, there have been many times where a man's partner was just a hindrance to that man's positive development of his life (sounds sexist because a man's natural partner is a woman haha XD). Personally, if I had a girlfriend who was not supportive of me doing magic and it embarrassed her, I would dump her on the spot. It just means she doesn't like me for something that makes up half of myself and only likes the other half that is attentive of her. That's being selfish if it really is the case (although, I hope it isn't).

Just some food for thought. Good luck with it though. Girls are tough to deal with. But it doesn't mean you have to forsake yourself for them. You guys are just dating, not planning on marriage

As they say, plenty of fish in the sea! But don't just dump her too

(I sound so controversial

)

Fin · 01-29-2012, 04:37 PM

Well said Albert. I'm currently looking for a girlfriend, and if I get a hint that a girl I'm attracted to will be negative towards my magic then it will simply mean I'll move on to looking elsewhere. Magic is my main hobby in life; If a prospective partner can't be supportive in that then they don't deserve my hugs or my respect and sure as hell don't deserve to get an exposed view of my "Hurricane Change" (if you know what I mean ladies).

la0o9 · 01-30-2012, 11:11 AM

lol Fin.

Tho if you think about it, there's a phrase that says "every girl needs a little magic in her life", and emphasizing "little", so even if magic is your strong point, showing it off once in a while like an old uncle would do is a wise thing to do i think.

Fin · 01-30-2012, 11:09 PM

And let's face it, no girl can resist the "folded card in mouth transposition" that Wayne Houchin created and Dynamo recently performed on his TV show.

CookieMonster · 01-31-2012, 04:31 AM

Thanks everyone for your opinion on this

)

Wyattsb · 09-19-2012, 01:01 PM

I once mentioned something Derren Brown said about the flirtatious side of magic to my girlfriend, since then she has been a bit funny about me performing magic for other girls, though we both know it doesn't really mean anything.
Obviously she isn't into magic as much as I am, and can get exasperated when I talk about it too much or show her too many videos. But she likes to see new things I'm working on, and is getting quite good at figuring magic out too. She's not really much of a lay-person anymore as she knows many basic magic techniques, I guess its like that for most magician's girlfriends/wives and close family members, who endlessly get new effects tested on them

01-25-2012, 05:29 AM	#1
CookieMonster Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Hayward California Posts: 7	Magic and girlfriend? So i've been into the art of magic for about 6 months now (not a long time, i know). And my girlfriend DOES know that I'm really into magic. But she doesnt seem supportive about it. I'm pretty positive that i gave her a lot of my attention and time. Last month, a group of her friends asked me to perform. I did the ambitious card trick and some color changes, and her friends seemed to enjoy it a lot. But my girlfriend didnt like it. She even said to her friends "He's crazy" (Negatively) when i did the ambitious popup card. And last night, i was telling her how I managed to change the perspective of one of the people who made fun of me for doing street magic. And she just answered "....that's it?". I was pissed so i took off and went to sleep. And of course there're more examples on how unsupportive she is when it comes to magic but i cant remember Sorry, i just needed somewhere to express my feelings. But it'd be great if someone got a way to help

01-25-2012, 06:22 AM	#2
TheMisdirectingHand David Nguyen Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Rosemead, California Posts: 406	Magic is your hobby, not your life. You enjoy her company, and she enjoys yours. That is what matters. You probably have more than just magic to be able sway a girl like her. Use your head. There are other personal traits about you that make you great. She is probably one of those girls who do not like magic. Just approach her without the cards. She seems very neglecting of them. __________________ "There are three types of people in this world; •People who talk and never do: The Lower Class •People who talk and do at the same time: The Middle Class •People who do before they ever talk: The Upper Class A real man does not need to talk. We are the upper class." -Joseph Lau

01-25-2012, 06:34 AM	#3
la0o9 Move monkey atm Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Not where you'd want to go :P Posts: 747	if that's it then simply don't talk about magic when you're with her, a modern person should have more than just magic to talk about( especially because you're her boyfriend, you guys should have more than one or two things in common to talk about). If you're one of those couples who are dating to get to know each other, then it means you have one less thing in common, nothing to fret about. absolute worst case scenario, talk to her about it, couples are bound to have fights, just need to know how to get back from them __________________ "Doubt isn't the same as saying people are bad, it simply means you actually care, 100% trust is nothing more than ignorance"~ Akiyama Shinichi- Liar Game "It's not the destination but the road to it that is worth the trip" "Be careful what you wish for... it might just come true"~ old saying "It's a small world, but only relatively" "Reality is not the world, it is the way humankind depicts the world, thus when you alter a person's way of seeing the world, you alter reality itself"

01-25-2012, 07:53 AM	#5
la0o9 Move monkey atm Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Not where you'd want to go :P Posts: 747	so simply don't talk about magic in front of her... well, i guess you DID say that you were just looking for a place to express your feelings so i guess i won't say anything more. __________________ "Doubt isn't the same as saying people are bad, it simply means you actually care, 100% trust is nothing more than ignorance"~ Akiyama Shinichi- Liar Game "It's not the destination but the road to it that is worth the trip" "Be careful what you wish for... it might just come true"~ old saying "It's a small world, but only relatively" "Reality is not the world, it is the way humankind depicts the world, thus when you alter a person's way of seeing the world, you alter reality itself"

01-25-2012, 05:58 PM	#6
TommySteal Tom Join Date: May 2011 Location: Italy Posts: 274	If it's any consolation, my girlfriend's the same. But it doesn't mean there has to be a problem. If your girlfriend was jealous of the attention you got from your audience when performing magic, that would be a problem - her problem. __________________ My cigar is not a symbol. It's only a cigar. - Sigmund Freud

01-25-2012, 06:44 AM	#4
CookieMonster Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Hayward California Posts: 7	@la0o9: We do talk about other stuffs lol. I'm just kinda frustrated because my girlfriend doesnt support my hobby. And yes we did talk about it. I asked her what was the reason she doesnt like magic and she said its not that she doesnt like magic, she loves it but she just doesnt care about it. Lol. I didnt know what to say at that point

01-26-2012, 12:18 AM	#7
Kelan kittydakat Join Date: May 2011 Location: USA Posts: 142	Well put Tommy. =)

01-26-2012, 01:51 AM	#8
Fin Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 530	I can see this from a few perspectives. You should be careful not to overload your friends, family and girlfriends with your magic. They will become sick of it very quickly. However in this case it sounds like your girlfriend is being a little unfair. It sounds like when you performed for her friends she got embarrassed. This is something she must get over, as it is indeed HER problem, not yours. If I had the same problem I would possibly approach it like this: I'd ask her what her problem is with supporting me in the thing I love doing. I would frame magic differently for her.. I would say "What if I was a famous artist, or musician, or comedian. Which would you prefer?". Then ask her what SHE thinks is so different between those "respected" arts, and MAGIC? For it is purely HER perspective which is at fault here. Magic is as worthy of your time as ANY OTHER ART. If she cannot see that and hence treats you like some sort of a loser with a crap hobby then she needs to get educated on what magic really is. Some people are closed-minded; unfortunately this can also include the people we love. The best you can do for them is try to educate them and give them the tools to see things in the same light you do. Whether they choose to follow your lead or not is up to them.

01-29-2012, 08:08 AM	#9
Albert DarkSleightZ Artist Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 671 Donor Score: 110	Usually, girls really like it when their boyfriends have a deep passion for something (other than video games ), such as things that make a difference in people's lives, like magic. As mentioned before, I would definitely ask her what's wrong with it in the first place and why she isn't supportive of it. She may be feeling that you are putting priority over magic and not her even if you don't think so. However, I really do think that's her problem, not yours if you are being considerate of her as well. Not to be sexist or anything, historically, there have been many times where a man's partner was just a hindrance to that man's positive development of his life (sounds sexist because a man's natural partner is a woman haha XD). Personally, if I had a girlfriend who was not supportive of me doing magic and it embarrassed her, I would dump her on the spot. It just means she doesn't like me for something that makes up half of myself and only likes the other half that is attentive of her. That's being selfish if it really is the case (although, I hope it isn't). Just some food for thought. Good luck with it though. Girls are tough to deal with. But it doesn't mean you have to forsake yourself for them. You guys are just dating, not planning on marriage As they say, plenty of fish in the sea! But don't just dump her too (I sound so controversial ) __________________ "Bluffing is an important act to all strategies." - Lelouch Lamperouge

01-29-2012, 04:37 PM	#10
Fin Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 530	Well said Albert. I'm currently looking for a girlfriend, and if I get a hint that a girl I'm attracted to will be negative towards my magic then it will simply mean I'll move on to looking elsewhere. Magic is my main hobby in life; If a prospective partner can't be supportive in that then they don't deserve my hugs or my respect and sure as hell don't deserve to get an exposed view of my "Hurricane Change" (if you know what I mean ladies).

01-30-2012, 11:11 AM	#11
la0o9 Move monkey atm Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Not where you'd want to go :P Posts: 747	lol Fin. Tho if you think about it, there's a phrase that says "every girl needs a little magic in her life", and emphasizing "little", so even if magic is your strong point, showing it off once in a while like an old uncle would do is a wise thing to do i think. __________________ "Doubt isn't the same as saying people are bad, it simply means you actually care, 100% trust is nothing more than ignorance"~ Akiyama Shinichi- Liar Game "It's not the destination but the road to it that is worth the trip" "Be careful what you wish for... it might just come true"~ old saying "It's a small world, but only relatively" "Reality is not the world, it is the way humankind depicts the world, thus when you alter a person's way of seeing the world, you alter reality itself"

01-30-2012, 11:09 PM	#12
Fin Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 530	And let's face it, no girl can resist the "folded card in mouth transposition" that Wayne Houchin created and Dynamo recently performed on his TV show.

01-31-2012, 04:31 AM	#13
CookieMonster Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Hayward California Posts: 7	Thanks everyone for your opinion on this )

09-19-2012, 01:01 PM	#14
Wyattsb Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Australia Posts: 32	I once mentioned something Derren Brown said about the flirtatious side of magic to my girlfriend, since then she has been a bit funny about me performing magic for other girls, though we both know it doesn't really mean anything. Obviously she isn't into magic as much as I am, and can get exasperated when I talk about it too much or show her too many videos. But she likes to see new things I'm working on, and is getting quite good at figuring magic out too. She's not really much of a lay-person anymore as she knows many basic magic techniques, I guess its like that for most magician's girlfriends/wives and close family members, who endlessly get new effects tested on them